Originally published in seventeen Magazine
Love showing public displays of affection or not?
Originally published in seventeen Magazine South Africa.
I was scrolling down my Twitter feed and stumbled across a chat between Deepak Chopra and Mark Pinto. Chopra is best known for his unworldly public encouragements and uses Twitter to engage with and advise his followers.
Obviously in search of guidance, Pinto asked Chopra how he could eliminate his doubts. Chopra then simply and quite profoundly responded with: “Doubt your doubts”.
Fascinating right? Moreover, I was suddenly hit with the realization that all the regrets that I’d ever had in life, were fuelled by doubt. The worst moments in my life were brought on in me stimulating uncertainty within myself. And it’s the worst that you could ever do. You’re capable of anything you really want.
There no real advantage to doubt. You’d think that self-doubt would save you from making mistakes; that it’s just a case of being cautious and sustaining stabiliy, but that’s not true. Doubt weakens you. It stops you from trying new things that could have resulted in something amazing. Doubt causes you to question your capabilities and instigates inactivity. You shouldn’t be asking yourself if you can do it, rather focus on whethere you’re willing to do what it takes to get you want.
I felt like my world had ended when my father died. I will never suffer a greater loss. And the pain of losing a loved one can often wound you, but what’s worse are the doubts that you won’t be able to recover from it, and those doubts will paralyse you.
A famous quote from Buddha reads:
There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.
So doubting yourself would be suicide.
There’s so much truth in the saying, “show me who your friends are, and I’ll show you who you are”.
This is not exactly the casual sex blog post you were hoping for but I highlight some points that will definitely apply to you and your friends. Check it out:
Choose wisely who you spend your time with.
It’s no secret that we’re the products of our surroundings. We eventually adopt the traits of those we spend the most time with because our minds are conditioned for growth – from the time you’re born, from the clothes you wear to the food you eat, someone else has had an influence on it; this never ends. You need to interact with people to maintain your mental growth – to progress in life, for their experience, advice, and even mistakes (which you may want to avoid), especially in this day and age.
Your friends define who you are.
Sure, we’re all individuals with personal identity but a major part of who we are comes from our social circle – school, work, family, entertainment, laws etc…
I’d recently attended the 2012 Student Leadership Awards at the UCT, where no more than 100 people were present – about 60 were students, including myself. I’d been working on a student-run magazine and our editorial team was was invited to attend the event, which basically celebrates excellent team work and students who model the UCT mission statement.
Our team did not receive an award but as I sat there and looked around, I saw so many familiar faces, so many friends. Out of more than 25 000 students enrolled at the university, the student who were seated were clearly the elite – elite in their fields and student development. And there I was, to my mind, not at all fit to be part of the UCT elite, seated among them. Just because I knew all of these people and hung out with them on occasions, didn’t mean that I was of the best but it definitely made some room for the possibility.
Spend time with people who have what you aspire for.
You shouldn’t want to be like other people, but there are lots of things that other people know, that you don’t. Friends are meant to be beneficial to your life so it doesn’t make much sense to be hanging around with people who don’t model the life you want.