Posts tagged be wholesome

5 reasons why you may not reach your goals.

If we live in universe of infinite possibilities, why aren’t we all successful?

Why aren’t we all where we all where we want to be in life? We’re probably the most self-focused generation in creation. Here are 5 reasons why you could be stuck at dreaming and not doing:

1. You’re afraid that it will never happen for you.

I know someone who’d love to be an advertising model but she hasn’t done anything to pursue it. She’s beautiful, and while modeling has less to do with beauty and more to with confidence, her looks would certainly be an advantage. When I’d asked why she doesn’t pursue modeling, she said that it was just a dream. And how would you turn a dream into an experience if you aren’t doing anything? Most of the time, we’re afraid that we’ll be rejected so we don’t bother trying.

2. You can’t actually picture yourself at your goal.

If you’ve set a goal that you’re going to reach one day, forget it. A dream can only be realized if you work towards it and set a specific deadline. Know when, where, and how you’ll get what you want, by when. The chances of success after your first attempt is one in a million, so you can almost bet that you’ll exceed your deadline anyway, but it’s a great guideline.

3. You just don’t have the patience…

To wait, to take orders, to listen to rejection after rejection. Technology is rapidly changing society. You’ve barely torn the plastic from a new gadget, and already new model is being manufactured. A lot more can happen in five minutes, than it could 10 years ago. And we’ve become so accustomed to having things happen quickly, that we forget that our future can’t be downloaded within mere minutes. We forget that anything with having takes a lot of effort and pressure like cutting diamonds.

4. Reaching the top often means loneliness.

There is a distinct difference between being alone and being lonely. The former means being by yourself, and the latter means having only yourself. None of us want to be lonely. After all, what would the the value of your success if you didn’t have anyone to share it with? I’ve seen people aggressively beat challenges and perform at the height of their potential. And I’ve also noticed that the closer they’ve come to reaching their goals, the harder they’ve had to work and sacrifice social interactions. This is why it is so important to surround yourself with people who share similar interests as you.

When you surround yourself with like-minded people, you allow yourself to learn, teach, and be supportive, but more importantly, accompanied down the road to your goal.

5. Because what are you supposed to do afterwards…

We all have a purpose in life and our goals guide us to it. Establish a reason for your goal and then you’ll know where to, after you’ve achieved it. Reaching your dream doesn’t mean the end of your life and purpose, it simply opens up a door for your to explore new things. From one of the best fables of all time, The Alchemist, “wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure”. 

Do you have a suggestion to add to the list? I’d love to hear from you. Post a comment in the space below, or email me directly to robyn@bewhole.co.za

Image source: Ryan McGuire/Gratisography

20 things you realize in your early twenties.

What could you possibly know by the time you’re 23?

Some of us have always known what we want to pursue in life, while others are still figuring things out. Your roaring twenties is said to be the time for exploration and establishment. Here are 20 things you realize when you hit your early twenties:

1. Time really flies. You wake up on Monday, go to work, prep your diary, and then all of a sudden, it’s Throwback Thursday.

2. This is not how you thought your twenties would be. Only some of what you’d planned happened? Work, relationships, the whole shebang… It’s not what you had expected. And you thought your teenage years were confusing.

3. You won’t change by doing the same things – you need to be what you aspire for and not what you were. The minute you fall back into your old routine, you’ll relapse into your old ways and deter from your plans for the future.

3. Success is about building relationships, not making money. And that’s how you make money.

4. Age isn’t important. The minute you hit your twenties, no one cares about how old you are anymore; but say that you’re in your twenties and you’ll hear: “you’re still a baby”, “you’ve got your whole life ahead of you”. Colleagues have joked that they have shoes older than I am. Must be some quality shoes.

5. EVERYONE makes mistakes – even those in their 40s, 50s, and up. Not everyone knows what they’re doing. You may learn hard and fast, as Robin Sharma says, “mistakes come to us to help us grow”. There’s no time to dwell on what could have been. Just prepare. Mistakes will teach you more than anything else.

6. You don’t even feel older. Some people in their twenties still feel as if they’re in their teens, except that now they have less time, more bills, and a bunch of decisions to make.

7. There will always be another party.
Every party that you can’t attend will seem like the best event ever. Don’t be too bothered about missing out; there will be others.

8. You don’t like drinking shots. Least of all Tequila. Let’s be honest, tequila will quickly get the party started, but you don’t really like chucking anything down your throat, or do you?

9. Friendships aren’t at all like they were in your teens. We’re not bothered about having besties, or spending everyday together. Now, quality time is scheduled via group email, and settled for the day when we’re all free to meet. No more, casually “dropping by” and hanging around – you need to request and confirm.

10. Talk less, do more.
It’s better to speak of experience than aspirations. Especially if it’s something intimidating like shaving your head and it turns out that you actually don’t have the balls to go through with it, or that you risk being compared to a certain blond, semi-bald celebrity. Do your research before making hasty decisions; find alternatives.

11. Two incomes are better than one. Invest while you’re young.

12. Stay active. Your metabolism is not what it used to be.

13. There’s no need to be flawless.

14. You have an ability to influence others. When you know someone in your age group who’s a teacher. It’s just, wow. That really puts your age into perspective – someone your age is molding minds.

15. What you do is more important than what you have. You meet someone new and your conversation begins with, “so what do you do”? Tell me that’s not the pinnacle big-girl/big-boy-pants conversation.

16. You feel tired after waking up.
You could sleep until 1pm if you weren’t interrupted. But you wouldn’t call it fatigue. Sleep is a gift from God – so valuable, so treasured.

17. “It’s up to you”. This is like the lifestyle version of: “it’s not you, it’s me”. No one want to hear it. And those comments come at the times when you’re really not in the mood to decide for yourself. People will make a couple of suggestions and tell you that you can decide or delay because it really is up to you. That’s when you know. You’re responsible now.

18. Ask more.
The response will either be rejected or approved but it’s better than nothing.

19. You can’t remember why you were so excited to grow up in the first place. Those who are most child-like, achieve more because they’re fearless. Look at Richard Branson.

20. Keep learning.
You will need to find a mentor who has lived the life you aspire for. Focus on specialized knowledge, and listen more than you speak.

An entry for Twenty Somethings Edition 1.

“I wanted to be badass… Now all I want is to be good”.

Why do we repeatedly do things that we know aren’t good for us? It’s a sad situation when you hurt yourself and you don’t realize it, but when you do it knowingly, that’s just dumb.

I’ve promised myself that I am going to stop smoking because it takes more out of me, than the pleasure it gives me. It conflicts with my desire to be fit and healthy. Even though I’m more of a social smoker and don’t *light-up alone anymore.

I deserve to have extra-fresh smelling breath all the time, hassle-free breathing, sparkling un-whitened teeth, and not have to work so hard on toning my butt and thighs because cigarettes promote cellulite.

Non-smokers are probably wondering why the hell we as smokers began the habit in the first place – if it doesn’t do us any good.

I smoked my first cigarette in my early years of primary school, after I’d caught my teenage stepsister pursing her lips on a Rothmans Red. She asked if I wanted to try and of course I wanted to try. I imagined that it couldn’t be so bad since everyone else like my father and his friends, smoked cigarettes as well. I took a few puffs and my eyes began to tear as the smoke caught in them. My stepsister was smart in the way that she knew that I wouldn’t tell my father she’d been smoking, if I did it too. Then every time I was around, and she had a craving, we would smoke together.

My father still doesn’t know – unless by some divine intervention, he never will.

As the dynamics of my family changed, I was separated from my stepsister and stopped smoking for a few years, but then picked it up again in my late teens. And this time it was all me. I already knew how bad it was and I think that’s what made it more enticing. I wanted to be *badass. Everyone claimed that I was angelic, and I didn’t want that. At the time (and place), being good seemed like a such bad thing. Everyone was badass, even the smart kids. I didn’t like being called *teacher’s pet and I certainly didn’t strive to earn that title; I was just likeable. Now all I want is to be good. I think smoking is most of what links me to my past and I really want to tear it away. Right now. Forever.
I’m craving a cigarette right now, after last night’s uptown gathering. And I think that I’d smoked more than half the pack of 20 last night. But since I’ve never broken a promise to anyone else, I think that I deserve to keep one to myself.

Aside from stating the obvious of how unhealthy cigarettes are, they’re also not as sexy and glamorous as they appear in the movies.

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Instagram/@luci_furr

Some nights, especially when I’m wearing something vintage, and sitting in a scenic space, I like to light up a *smoke and imagine that I’m a cast member of my favorite movie: Midnight in Paris. I’ve never been to Paris and I’m sure that it’s nothing like it was in the ’20s, but there’s something about Paris or the idea of it, that makes you want to light a cigarette.

In that now-vintage era, cigarettes were glamorous; they were accessories, and sexy women smoked them. One of the after-shots of a sex scene, if the sex was really good, would usually have been a close-up of a half-lit cigarette burning in an ashtray, or a half-naked woman with messy hair, sitting up against the head board with a cigarette in her hand.

Smoking is like the stamp of approval that you’re badass.

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Instagram/@discoxbloodbath

Except you’re really not. And I speak for myself when I say, it’s so stupid. Because I can’t vouch for why other people started smoking. It was never about relieving stress for me. It was never me. And now that I’m discovering who I want to be, there’s little room for being short of breath and taking puffs on make-believe pain-killers. If I have to be obsessed with something, as we all have one or more things, I’m going to make sure that it’s at least something that benefits me.

It’s hard to quit the habit so I have to break away from those who encourage it. At least until I’m no longer tempted.

When you want to change your life for the better, other people may take it personally. If you value those people and you’re serious about making a change, they will understand. If not, forget them.

I’m interested to know your thoughts, especially if you were previously a smoker. I’m going to need all the tips I can get! Please leave a comment in the space below, telling me how you quit smoking, and feel free to share tips that have worked for you.

5 tips on how to be successful from Notorious B.I.G

Heinrich Heine once said that where words leave off, music begins. So true.

Words are just easier to remember when they have a ring to it; it’s more intense.This is why music is such a powerful tool in society. Add a hot beat to a message, and you can influence a nation with your beliefs.

I listen to a wide genre of music but mostly to Hip Hop. To me, Hip Hop is just an extension of poetry – with a *sick beat. And I’ve found myself tuned into some songs, after discovering subliminal material that can actually be helpful. Take rapper, Notorious B.I.G (also known as Biggie) for example. Here’s a rapper who came from a poverty stricken environment and flourished so greatly that his music is still being played, decades after his passing.

Biggie thrived because he created music from his experiences, not from made-up stories. He used the tools he had and made due with what he had, in order to succeed.

But before the hype about the laws of attraction went viral in 2002 (with the help of Rhonda Byrne’s, The Secret), Biggie was applying the same principles to his life and rapping about it. He released a song called Juicy, off the album Ready To Die, which is basically a summary of how he went from rags to riches. He died shortly after the release of the album.

In this song (Juicy), Biggie highlights five key tools for reaching success. This confirms the laws of attraction – a scientific theory suggesting that you attract whatever happens to you in life. Whatever thoughts you send out, will be returned to you by the universe.

Check out the 5 steps to success in Biggie’s Juicy lyrics:

1. Visualise what you want and imagine that you already have it.

It was all a dream

2. Study everything about your desire and practise consistently.

I used to read Word Up magazine
Salt’n’Pepa and Heavy D up in the limousine
Hangin’ pictures on my wall
Every Saturday Rap Attack, Mr Magic, Marley Marl

3. Get rid of your doubts

Livin’ life without fear
Puttin’ 5 carats in my baby girl’s ears

4. Invest to gain – show gratitude and treat others as you’d like to be treated

Spread love, it’s the Brooklyn way

5. Think positively – focus more on what you want than what you don’t have

Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis
When I was dead broke, man I couldn’t picture this
Uh, damn right I like the life I live
‘Cause I went from negative to positive
And it’s all good

“And if you don’t know, now you know”. – Notorious B.I.G

The secret revealed.

Do you have a song that inspires you, or one that gets you through the day? I’d love to know. Tell me what your go-to song is by posting a comment below.

Hands up all those who just fell in love with Ansel Elgort?

You have to see this film!

The fault in our stars (d/Josh Boone).

And then tell me Ansel Elgort isn’t absolutely dreamy as Angus Waters in the film. The two women who sat in the same row as me while watching the film, couldn’t seem to hush about the look of him.

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Instagram/@anselelgort

What a dramatic love story the Fault In Our Stars is. And man was I balling my eyes out. Picture a mid-row seat, centered around a bunch of Ansel fans and readers of the book; stiff hair bun, pearl earrings, slow popcorn crunching, with eyes completely locked onto the screen. And that was pretty much the case for the entire audience, minus the hair and accessories.

Author, John Green is quite a mastermind to new-age readers. The book doesn’t have a filter of sugar coating, pretentious eloquence or wishy washy fairytale scenes. It’s a little raw with language use and I think that’s what made it such a page turner. But let me just say that Josh Boone‘s (cinematic) version is breathtaking. No spoiler alerts I promise. Except for the brief plot: Starring two cancer survivors, both in their teens, who fall inlove amid the drama and crazyness of their illnesses.

This type of film deserves top-notch ratings. Sure, there are some glitches; there’s some errors in geography, there’s the methodical loss of protagonist love, and some mismatched jargon, but if you’re not a stickler for the finer details, you won’t even notice it.

The film evokes several emotions from scene to scene. Boone has you crying one minute and then laughing like hell the next. It’s also a nice touch that you’re not coaxed into sympathizing with the protagonist, Hazel (Shailene Woodley) for having cancer; in fact there’s little room for escapism and you’re almost coached into thinking; “Hey, life is going to suck sometimes but you just have to role with the punches and get over it. “It’s possible to live with pain”, as Hazel’s mother tells her towards the end.

So touching. Bravo.

If you haven’t already seen the film, check out the link to the trailer below. Or better yet, read the book first. You can order the book now on kalahari.com.

Watch The Fault In Our Stars | Official Trailer, here.

This is probably the most important love advice ever.

From the lyrics of a classic Beatles song – The end.
                                     

The love you take is equal to the love you make.

Don’t you think that’s so true? Everything that happens in your life is what you’ve attracted – a give and take. You’re probably thinking that if you’ve been cheated on in your life time, that you didn’t ask for it, but I’m going to say that you did – and with reason.

Anthony Robbins said that whatever you focus on, you will feel and experience at a stronger level. Whether you want it or not. That’s how powerful your thoughts are. Thoughts become things. If you see it in your mind, you will hold it in your hand (Bob Proctor).

I’m finally over being dumped three years ago.
I never gave much thought to when exactly I got over it but I know that I’m ready to move on now. I’ve had ample time to learn from the mistakes I’ve made, taken responsibility for some of the mess, and forgiven wholeheartedly. My mind wasn’t right throughout the relationship. I was too cautious, too focused on what could go wrong, and what I didn’t want to happen. And then guess what; everything I’d ever thought could go wrong, happened.

You can say that the idea of karma is mumbo jumbo, but if you look at every other living thing in the universe like the growth of trees and the tide of the ocean, it all works on a give-and-take system. That’s how love works as well.

The last time I was looking for love, I found it, but I didn’t get the love I wanted, I got that love that I’d been focusing on. I’d seen broken relationships around me like divorce, cheating, constant arguing etc… And you’d think that things won’t affect you if it doesn’t involve you, but it does. I became scared of getting into a relationship where I would be cheated on and that’s all I thought about. Not realizing that what you focus on you will find.

Before you find what you really want, you need to imagine it and become it. And if you focus SPECIFICALLY on what you want,  the success rate of your goal immediately escalates – because when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it (Paulo Coelho).

I know that I deserve the best because I will always give my best. And when I find a man who is willing to treat me like a queen, I will be ready to serve him as one would a king.

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Instagram/@ariannahuff

I quit carelessness because I saw her watching.

Someone is always watching.

I have a 10-year-old niece who day-in and day-out copies me. She brushes her hair the same way, she downloads music that I listen to, and she’s even asked if she could have my clothes before I die – in a nice way.

I was laying down the other day – she knows that I usually wake up early, go for a walk, and return by the time she’s  having breakfast – so she asked if she could borrow my yoga mat to work-out and then continued to question why I didn’t go for my morning walk. She notices everything. All of a sudden she’s interested in acing calisthenics floor work and eating healthy too. So I got out of bed and went for my walk wholeheartedly.

And I’ve decided, since she’s always watching, that I need to be someone that she can really learn from. I had to think about who she’ll become if she decides to follow my path and whether I could live with that, and be proud of her.
The fact is, we’re all just versions of the people we’ve spent the most time with. A lot of who we are comes from our choices, but it’s our influences that steer us to what those choices are.

Going back to my morning walk – it’s something I enjoy doing. I needed to be reminded that I’ve been doing it for my health, for myself, and I deserve it. But also because I didn’t have a good enough excuse to stay in bed all day and I didn’t want her to think that it’s okay to quit on things because you feel like it.
                              
At times when you think no one noticed (‘that’), or no one cares; I promise you someone’s watching and taking notes.

So if you can do one thing for the greater good of humanity, (without making this sound like a lame pageant speech) work on yourself – just do you. You’re going to inspire people to do the same.

E.T the Hip Hop preacher takes motivational speaking to the next level.

Maybe it’s not that you’re lazy, or careless, or procrastinate, maybe you just need a little motivation to get things going.

I was search through my contact list for friends who are generally motivated. I’d been feeling a bit low and I find that reading self-help books or articles, always lifts my spirits. Some said to download E.T the Hip Hop preacher App (for Android). And I’ve been drawn to the work of Eric Thomas ever since. I’m exercising than usual – I’ve just joined the calisthenics movement; it will be a hell of a long road but I hope that I will reach a level where I am able to compete.
Eric Thomas’ story is so inspiring. Here’s a guy who went from being homeless, to best-selling author, celebrity motivational coach, father and husband because he he was determined. He was homeless at some point and it took him 12 years to finish a four-year degree, but now here he is, earning millions of dollars.

The truth of the matter is that you can be/have anything you want. ANYTHING! Whatever you desire in your life – you can have it. You just needvto know exactly what you want and how far you are willing to go to get it.

People who aren’t sure of themselves don’t succeed. If you don’t know what you really want, you can’t exactly work towards having it.

You can download the E.T app for Android on Playstore or visit etinspires.com for motivational material. I’ve also started following E.T on Instagram, so be sure to check out his profile, here.

If you think you’re out of their league, you are.

Stop comparing yourself to others.

As cliche as sounds, the truth is; there’s no one like you. But there’s certain things you do, that’ll give others an advantage over you.

You are what you think about.

Anthony Robbins once said that whatever you focus on, you will find. This is not one of those spiritual mumbo jumbo comments that might be true; it’s a fact. Newton’s first law of motion explains that a body will remain at rest, unless an external force acts upon it  – so you attract what happens in your life, even if it’s not what you want; if you’re thinking about it, you create it. You’ll always be unhappy if you have negative thoughts, and you will live positively if you think positively.

The trick is to work with the negatives, challenges, friction or whatever you’d like to call them, embrace and learn from it but don’t dwell on it. For example, quit thinking about what you don’t have and focus on what it is that you actually want, then apply force (work towards it).

The celebrity hype is not real

Celebrities are ordinary people with extraordinary goals. They’re usually admired for their persistence and excellence in their crafts and develop a following (of those who aspire for the same things) from it. Celebs feel hungry and tired, and they poo – just so you understand how they’re just like you. Except they’re on a different wave length. What sets you apart is how badly you want to work and persist to get what you want. So don’t set yourself short. You can get there if you want to.

Be decisive

No one likes to be surrounded by people who are constantly complaining and don’t seem sure of themselves. People will befriend those who exude confidence, and those who seem like they have things figured out. You don’t need to be a certain type of person to fit in or to make make friends, you just have to know what you want; those who aspire for the same things will naturally gravitate towards you.

Take control

It’s helpful to have others advise you when making a decision, but don’t let others choose make your decisions for you. you’re the one who’ll live with the consequences of your decisions after all.

You don’t need to have many friends, just a few that you can count on.

“Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others, past and present. And by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future.”- David Mitchell