Be Whole

Despite the partially insensitive header, you will definitely gain strength from rejection. Or- if your heart is not accustomed to the understanding of failure- you will let it consume you until you vow never to take a risk again.

Yesterday, I fell asleep in a puddle of mucous and tears. I’d been crying because I had again placed my heart on the opportunity of chance. I had invested in something that could potentially result in greatness, given that the opportunity was granted. But it wasn’t, hence the tears and mucous streaming from my face.

For months I have been on the war path, trying to find a job that perfectly suited me, one that represented an ideology that I could associate myself with. Then last week a publishing house called me in for consideration. I was so happy. I really thought this was it. I then blatantly ignored two secured offers (from reputable publishing houses) because I had my heart set on getting this position. I’d even read my horoscope- one I’d found at the back of the very magazine I was applying to- and it said that I was much closer to reaching my dream than I was in January. I felt like the universe had aligned to work in my favour; I had been through so much shit just trying to get to my first and second interviews, surely God wanted this for me.

My friends stood bewildered when I told them about the other offers; they thought I was quite brave for being able to refuse jobs that were being thrown at me, and in the hope of obtaining one that I certainly had no promise of getting. I casually declared that this is what life is about- life is about taking risks for the things that you think are best for you. And that’s true, but now I realize that life is also about recognizing a good opportunity when it presents itself, even if it doesn’t look as good as the opportunity you were hoping for. Sometimes the best opportunity is the one that only offers a traveling allowance or is situated within a company that was born after you. Sometimes the risk is in being comfortable with accepting less than you think you’re worth, in working yourself to the bone, and hoping that whoever is watching will take cognizance of this- so that you can eventually get to where you want to be.